The Anxiety-Body Connection: How Stress Gets Stored in Your Body and What You Can Do About It
You tell yourself you’re fine. That the tightness in your shoulders is just from sleeping wrong. That the constant stomach discomfort is just something you ate. That the exhaustion will pass once things calm down.
But deep down, you know—things never really calm down.
You’ve powered through stress for so long that it feels normal. But your body tells a different story. The tension in your shoulders, the restless energy in your legs, the constant tightness in your chest—they’re not random. They’re signals.
For years, your nervous system has been operating in survival mode, adapting to pressure, responsibility, and unspoken expectations. And if slowing down feels impossible, it’s not because you’re failing to relax. It’s because your body doesn’t know how.
Why Stress Lives in the Body—And Stays There
Anxiety isn’t just in your head. It’s in your muscles, your digestion, your breath. And if you’ve spent decades pushing through, showing up, and getting it done, your body has adapted by staying in a constant state of readiness.
Stress activates the nervous system, preparing you to deal with a challenge or pressure:
Your shoulders tighten to brace for what’s ahead.
Your stomach knots as digestion slows down to conserve energy.
Your breath becomes shallow, fueling the fight-or-flight response.
This is helpful in short bursts—if you need to react quickly to something urgent. But when stress is constant, the body never gets the signal that it’s safe to unwind.
And another layer to this is that your body is responding this way even when your mind tells you everything is fine.
Why Midlife Brings This to the Surface
For years, you’ve been able to push through. But in midlife, something shifts. It’s not necessarily that stress suddenly increases—it’s that your body can no longer carry it the same way.
The exhaustion isn’t just feeling tired—it’s depletion that doesn’t go away with rest.
The tension isn’t just from a bad night’s sleep—it’s pressure that has accumulated over time being activated by your present-day stressors.
The anxiety isn’t just a moment of worry—it’s a body that’s been in overdrive for too long.
And if you’re noticing these signals more now, it’s not because you’re weak—it’s because your body is signaling that something needs to change.
Additional Reading: Learn more about What a Mid-life Crisis really looks like for women.
How to Help Your Body Release Anxiety
Show Your Nervous System That It’s Safe to Relax
If running on stress is your norm, sudden stillness might feel unnerving. Instead of forcing relaxation, start with micro-adjustments that tell your nervous system it’s okay to let go:
Unclench your jaw. Place the tip of your tongue behind your front teeth to release tension.
Drop your shoulders. Lift them up, then slowly let them fall.
Press your feet into the ground. Notice your feet connecting and pressing into the floor.
Take a slow deep breath into the diaphragm. Feel the breath expand into your lower belly.
These small shifts send signals that it’s safe to release—not all at once, but little by little.
2. Use Movement That Starts to Release the Body’s Tension
Many women carry stress like armor—tight muscles, clenched hands, rigid posture. The goal isn’t just to be active; it’s to move in a way that helps the body let go.
Try:
Shaking out your hands or legs for 30 seconds to release excess adrenaline.
Stretching slowly with deep exhales to send calming signals to your nervous system.
Walking without rushing—pay attention to how your body feels rather than your pace.
When movement is intentional, it stops being another task and starts becoming mindful and calming.
3. Interrupt the Stress Response with Breathwork
When stress builds, the breath becomes shallow—keeping the body in fight-or-flight mode. The quickest way to shift out of that state? Change the way you breathe.
Breathe in for four seconds, hold for four, exhale for six. These slow deep breaths signal your body’s relaxation response to engage.
Sigh audibly. A deep sigh verbally releases tension and stress.
Exhale through pursed lips. This also helps the body’s natural relaxation response by slowing down your heart rate and improving the quality of the breath.
Breathwork helps your body realize that it doesn’t need to stay on high alert.
4. Recognize When and Where You Feel Tension
Your body doesn’t hold onto stress for no reason. It’s reacting to something. The key is to start noticing when and where tension spikes.
Ask yourself:
Where does my body feel the most stress?
What situations make my body tense up?
How do I instinctively react? (Holding my breath? Clenching my fists?)
These patterns aren’t random. They’re learned responses. And that means they can be unlearned.
Why Therapy Can Help You Release Stress
If stress has resided in your body for as long as you can remember, it won’t disappear with a few deep breaths. But it can shift.
Therapy isn’t just about learning how to manage stress—it’s about working with your nervous system to help regulate it and process the experience and emotions that are stored in these systems.
Through therapy, you can:
Recognize what’s keeping your body in stress mode.
Process the emotions and experiences your body has been holding onto.
Identify an approach to help retrain your nervous system so stress doesn’t take over.
This isn’t about learning how to “cope” with stress forever. It’s about helping your body finally stop carrying what it was never meant to hold.
I specialize in the following therapeutic approaches:
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): CBT is one of the most researched treatments for anxiety. It helps people recognize negative thought patterns that cause anxiety and replace them with healthier coping mechanisms. Studies show that CBT is effective in treating people with anxiety disorders, including separation anxiety disorder, panic disorder, and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD).
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR): For those whose anxiety stems from a traumatic event, EMDR therapy is a highly effective method. By using guided eye movements, EMDR helps the brain reprocess distressing memories, reducing their emotional intensity. This can be particularly beneficial for individuals with separation anxiety or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Brainspotting: Brainspotting works by identifying specific “brainspots”—eye positions linked to unresolved trauma. By focusing on these spots with the guidance of a therapist, people with anxiety can access and process emotions at a deeper level. This technique is particularly useful for those struggling with chronic stress and anxiety disorders.
Exposure Therapy: For those who may feel anxious in certain situations, exposure therapy is a powerful approach. It gradually introduces individuals to their fear and anxiety triggers in a controlled way, helping them build resilience. It’s particularly effective for people with panic disorder, phobias, and social anxiety.
Additional Reading: Discover How Women Over 40 Can Benefit From EMDR & Brainspotting.